Manners are a reflection of culture. Capitalism requires manners as a component of success. If customers are treated rudely, they will take their business elsewhere. Within corporate and government cultures, manners are lacking because accountability is also lacking. If a government worker is rude, the “customer” doesn’t have the option of going elsewhere and supervisors typically don’t care because they have their own rudeness to dispense. In large corporate retail organizations, management is typically so far removed from frontline workers, they never see the loss of business that results from customers being treated rudely.
Very, very true. It's one major reason I've often said there's little (if anything) that is monopolized by government that the private sector couldn't do a better job with. For me, the bottom line is the service, plus the profit and loss mechanism, that is attached to the private sector.
I was in Tommy Bahama and a young “working” was on her phone. I waited for her to notice me and excused myself for interrupting her. She told me to hold on because she was on the phone. I was ready to blow my top when an experienced lady gracefully asked the girl to come with her and hailed another lady to help me. Thank you to the ladies who helped me.
I tried to console myself that she just wasn’t onboarded correctly and/or wasn’t brought up in a family that taught manners.
I would like to see a return of finishing schools and comportment for kids.
Thank you, mother and dad, for teaching my sisters, brother and me manners and that actions bring about consequences. We were a big family but we all were taught how to act. We know parenting is about making sacrifices and a commitment to consistency. It has been proven to work of centuries. Now, let’s hear all the excuses of why it can’t be done today. I need a laugh.
Very well said and thank you for saying it. I think it’s the result of a few things. First, clearly, is the never ending governmentization of life which has made things coarser. Sure, capitalists swear and can be rude, but generally not in front of their customers if they want to succeed. Certainly, they don’t want to be seen as lazy. They are incentivized to be polite.
Government workers, who can do the most awful things and still not lose their job, have no incentive to be polite. Hence, your standard DMV worker’s rudeness. For some time now, but more so since the pandemic, it feels like the government is involved in everything and controls everything. And what it doesn’t control isn’t for a lack of trying.
Second, most of us learn manners from our parents. More divorces equals less parents equals less training in manners (certainly not every single mom can spend the little free time she has on the niceties of life). They also used to teach manners to students but I guess they don’t anymore, probably because doing so would be racist, misogynistic, or something equally stupid.
Third, the general coarseness of course culture has had an impact. Do they still make movies where anyone says Sir and Ma’am or where anyone eats with their mouth closed and doesn’t talk while chewing? If so, I don’t recall one. Listen to today’s music, if you can. Every song is cruder than the next.
Fourth, immigration has not helped, because manners, as Americans of yesteryear know them are not universal. The last few years of open borders clearly has made things worse.
Put it all together and the future of manners and civilized society does not look as bright as some of us might wish.
Single parenting is not an excuse to fail to teach your children manners. I was a single parent, worked a demanding job and made time for my kids. Other parents complimented them on their manners.
Excellent piece. My parents raised us to be respectful and courteous. Respect and courtesy make everyday societal interactions so much better and pleasant.
I was surprised to see a young woman ( on a different platform) go off because she’s tall and shorter folks often impose on her in the supermarket, by asking if she can reach something for them.
The ability to perform a random act of courtesy is a privilege.
Oh I know what you’re talking about! A few months ago I went to the Social Security office and was treated without provocation in a rude , hostile manner that I simply couldn’t understand. I was friendly, well behaved and cooperative but apparently this woman was annoyed that I wasn’t following some kind of protocol I wasn’t even aware of.I finally said look I’m not trying to give you hard time , let’s just get this over with. I’ve dealt with municipal land use officials in a couple of towns and the arrogance and rudeness I’ve encountered is mind boggling!
“Any time you quit hearing Sir and Ma'am the end is pretty much in sight...”
I generally tell folks not to call me Sir because paramilitary predators call me Sir, and the folks are not paramilitary predators, they are just folks helping me. Paramilitary predators (most of whom probably would do better to put themselves to sleep) call their victims Sir or Ma'am while they are beating them or robbing them.
I think COVID policies caused a lot of this. People stopped regarding others as human beings worthy of courtesy. People's faces were covered, so they couldn't even smile or interact on a basic level. Also the phenomenon of everyone being on their phones, removing the need for face to face interaction skills. The need for small talk it turns out, is just thinking about others and what is going on in their lives, and even just pretending to be interested in other people. It's common politeness. Not sure if this is just a side effect of COVID masking and fear-mongering, or if this is intended to be the result: further isolating and breaking down the bonds of civilization.
I've been a customer service trainer/facilitator for decades. I also taught customer service skills to help desk representatives who said the reason they were in that computer-based job is because they didn't like people. (Yikes!) I wonder if the reason we have such a dearth of manners in our society is due to the lack of training in the home and decrease in church attendance. I also fault employers for not making manners part of new hire instruction and regular evaluations. My daughter is an assistant store manager at a big box retailer and she specifically looks for a positive personality and customer service skills when she hires her representatives. Employers have to make it a priority and be willing to write up their staff if their service skills, courtesy, manners are lacking.
Leave it to Zoomers to “blank you” they won’t smile at you, they won’t say hi, they won’t say “how can I help you”. Completely fucking retarded and socially inept. They’ll just look at you with this blank stare on their face like some fuckin retarded tiktok zombie.
It was Sheriff Ed Tom Bell who uttered the warning about courtesy. I prefer the approach of Gus McRae (of Lonesome Dove fame) who pistol-whipped a rude bartender with the words: "We don't put up with no dawdling service."
Today I will take the mate to lunch and to avoid such things we'll drive 30 minutes from our exurban area to a rural area and eat at a small cafe. I've noticed in my travels around the US and even the world that the further you get from urban areas the nicer the people tend to be.
Though your point is well taken, that the male population even into middle age goes out in tee shirts without collars and with caps on backwards is also a marker.
"Though your point is well taken, that the male population even into middle age goes out in tee shirts without collars and with caps on backwards is also a marker.
Did I mention tats?"
You forgot to mention folks wearing pants prison-style....
I went to a large post office recently to mail several postcards only to learn that they were out of these stamps. His suggestion was for me to use 1st class stamp instead. I asked why should I have to pay extra and how does such a big post office run out of stamps for postcard?
At this point, the guy behind me offered me money, as if I was destitute, and said it wasn't this worker's fault. Actually, it was his fault. I know this because a co-worker brought forward the postcard stamps. They had plenty but he was just too lazy to look or ask.
no way im saying sir or ma’am to anyone in starbucks as the risk of committing the crime of misgendering is is quite high. starbucks is gender confusion central station. sir and ma’am are a sure way to cause a huge scene and end up on a til tok video.
Starbucks has been under hard Boycott by the right forever.
Plus it is stupidly expensive
I can't take seriously anyone that sets foot in one.
Same for those that don't boycott evil media empires and Pro Sports, NCAA, and Olympics.
Sir & Ma'am was primarily a southern thing and was not commonly used in North.
Article is Dumb.
Starbucks was Starbucks
Plus Machines do fail. That isn't necessarily representative of the chain.
I don't rant on the rare occasion a QT soda fountain is down. But I do because their Folds of Honor Campaign is backed by their Liquor Distributor and QT and Liquor Distributor Reps are on the Charity Board. They did not Honor AmBevAB Hard Boycott because of this.
Stupid article. You must have nothing to write about or say so you came up with this
Manners are a reflection of culture. Capitalism requires manners as a component of success. If customers are treated rudely, they will take their business elsewhere. Within corporate and government cultures, manners are lacking because accountability is also lacking. If a government worker is rude, the “customer” doesn’t have the option of going elsewhere and supervisors typically don’t care because they have their own rudeness to dispense. In large corporate retail organizations, management is typically so far removed from frontline workers, they never see the loss of business that results from customers being treated rudely.
Well said.
Very, very true. It's one major reason I've often said there's little (if anything) that is monopolized by government that the private sector couldn't do a better job with. For me, the bottom line is the service, plus the profit and loss mechanism, that is attached to the private sector.
A perfect example is Elon Musk’s “rocket science”. It’s doing things no government space agency has accomplished.
Teach your children proper manners and they should go far.
YES! Come check out our channel if you haven't already ;) We seem to think similarly
I was in Tommy Bahama and a young “working” was on her phone. I waited for her to notice me and excused myself for interrupting her. She told me to hold on because she was on the phone. I was ready to blow my top when an experienced lady gracefully asked the girl to come with her and hailed another lady to help me. Thank you to the ladies who helped me.
I tried to console myself that she just wasn’t onboarded correctly and/or wasn’t brought up in a family that taught manners.
I would like to see a return of finishing schools and comportment for kids.
Thank you, mother and dad, for teaching my sisters, brother and me manners and that actions bring about consequences. We were a big family but we all were taught how to act. We know parenting is about making sacrifices and a commitment to consistency. It has been proven to work of centuries. Now, let’s hear all the excuses of why it can’t be done today. I need a laugh.
Very well said and thank you for saying it. I think it’s the result of a few things. First, clearly, is the never ending governmentization of life which has made things coarser. Sure, capitalists swear and can be rude, but generally not in front of their customers if they want to succeed. Certainly, they don’t want to be seen as lazy. They are incentivized to be polite.
Government workers, who can do the most awful things and still not lose their job, have no incentive to be polite. Hence, your standard DMV worker’s rudeness. For some time now, but more so since the pandemic, it feels like the government is involved in everything and controls everything. And what it doesn’t control isn’t for a lack of trying.
Second, most of us learn manners from our parents. More divorces equals less parents equals less training in manners (certainly not every single mom can spend the little free time she has on the niceties of life). They also used to teach manners to students but I guess they don’t anymore, probably because doing so would be racist, misogynistic, or something equally stupid.
Third, the general coarseness of course culture has had an impact. Do they still make movies where anyone says Sir and Ma’am or where anyone eats with their mouth closed and doesn’t talk while chewing? If so, I don’t recall one. Listen to today’s music, if you can. Every song is cruder than the next.
Fourth, immigration has not helped, because manners, as Americans of yesteryear know them are not universal. The last few years of open borders clearly has made things worse.
Put it all together and the future of manners and civilized society does not look as bright as some of us might wish.
Single parenting is not an excuse to fail to teach your children manners. I was a single parent, worked a demanding job and made time for my kids. Other parents complimented them on their manners.
Excellent piece. My parents raised us to be respectful and courteous. Respect and courtesy make everyday societal interactions so much better and pleasant.
I was surprised to see a young woman ( on a different platform) go off because she’s tall and shorter folks often impose on her in the supermarket, by asking if she can reach something for them.
The ability to perform a random act of courtesy is a privilege.
Oh I know what you’re talking about! A few months ago I went to the Social Security office and was treated without provocation in a rude , hostile manner that I simply couldn’t understand. I was friendly, well behaved and cooperative but apparently this woman was annoyed that I wasn’t following some kind of protocol I wasn’t even aware of.I finally said look I’m not trying to give you hard time , let’s just get this over with. I’ve dealt with municipal land use officials in a couple of towns and the arrogance and rudeness I’ve encountered is mind boggling!
@Jon Miltimore
“Any time you quit hearing Sir and Ma'am the end is pretty much in sight...”
I generally tell folks not to call me Sir because paramilitary predators call me Sir, and the folks are not paramilitary predators, they are just folks helping me. Paramilitary predators (most of whom probably would do better to put themselves to sleep) call their victims Sir or Ma'am while they are beating them or robbing them.
I don’t feel respected when called “sir”, just old
How about that? I never feel old; I am grey or silver, not old. I could be sorry that you feel as you do; I'm not.
I think COVID policies caused a lot of this. People stopped regarding others as human beings worthy of courtesy. People's faces were covered, so they couldn't even smile or interact on a basic level. Also the phenomenon of everyone being on their phones, removing the need for face to face interaction skills. The need for small talk it turns out, is just thinking about others and what is going on in their lives, and even just pretending to be interested in other people. It's common politeness. Not sure if this is just a side effect of COVID masking and fear-mongering, or if this is intended to be the result: further isolating and breaking down the bonds of civilization.
I agree, that the Covid policies had a lot to do with this.
Good article and insights Jon.
I've been a customer service trainer/facilitator for decades. I also taught customer service skills to help desk representatives who said the reason they were in that computer-based job is because they didn't like people. (Yikes!) I wonder if the reason we have such a dearth of manners in our society is due to the lack of training in the home and decrease in church attendance. I also fault employers for not making manners part of new hire instruction and regular evaluations. My daughter is an assistant store manager at a big box retailer and she specifically looks for a positive personality and customer service skills when she hires her representatives. Employers have to make it a priority and be willing to write up their staff if their service skills, courtesy, manners are lacking.
Leave it to Zoomers to “blank you” they won’t smile at you, they won’t say hi, they won’t say “how can I help you”. Completely fucking retarded and socially inept. They’ll just look at you with this blank stare on their face like some fuckin retarded tiktok zombie.
My grandmother used to say, “If I teach you one thing, I’ll teach you manners.”
It was Sheriff Ed Tom Bell who uttered the warning about courtesy. I prefer the approach of Gus McRae (of Lonesome Dove fame) who pistol-whipped a rude bartender with the words: "We don't put up with no dawdling service."
Today I will take the mate to lunch and to avoid such things we'll drive 30 minutes from our exurban area to a rural area and eat at a small cafe. I've noticed in my travels around the US and even the world that the further you get from urban areas the nicer the people tend to be.
Though your point is well taken, that the male population even into middle age goes out in tee shirts without collars and with caps on backwards is also a marker.
Did I mention tats?
@Richard Morchoe
"Though your point is well taken, that the male population even into middle age goes out in tee shirts without collars and with caps on backwards is also a marker.
Did I mention tats?"
You forgot to mention folks wearing pants prison-style....
I went to a large post office recently to mail several postcards only to learn that they were out of these stamps. His suggestion was for me to use 1st class stamp instead. I asked why should I have to pay extra and how does such a big post office run out of stamps for postcard?
At this point, the guy behind me offered me money, as if I was destitute, and said it wasn't this worker's fault. Actually, it was his fault. I know this because a co-worker brought forward the postcard stamps. They had plenty but he was just too lazy to look or ask.
no way im saying sir or ma’am to anyone in starbucks as the risk of committing the crime of misgendering is is quite high. starbucks is gender confusion central station. sir and ma’am are a sure way to cause a huge scene and end up on a til tok video.
Starbucks has been under hard Boycott by the right forever.
Plus it is stupidly expensive
I can't take seriously anyone that sets foot in one.
Same for those that don't boycott evil media empires and Pro Sports, NCAA, and Olympics.
Sir & Ma'am was primarily a southern thing and was not commonly used in North.
Article is Dumb.
Starbucks was Starbucks
Plus Machines do fail. That isn't necessarily representative of the chain.
I don't rant on the rare occasion a QT soda fountain is down. But I do because their Folds of Honor Campaign is backed by their Liquor Distributor and QT and Liquor Distributor Reps are on the Charity Board. They did not Honor AmBevAB Hard Boycott because of this.
Stupid article. You must have nothing to write about or say so you came up with this
And then there’s the old adage of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
For every adage ther is another that says the opposite
Real wisdom is knowing when to apply which.
Honest Criticism is Good Criticism