Yes, 'I've Never Been To Me' Is One of the Best Songs Ever

Is the song corny? Some will say so. But it also carries a very important message.

It’s a running joke in my family that I love the song “I’ve Never Been to Me,” which became a global hit when it was re-released in 1982, reaching #1 on the Australian charts and #3 in the US. (Oddly, the first time the song was released, in 1977, it was a total dud.)

Performed by Charlene (both times), the song is considered corny by some, and I get it—the monologue is a bit cheesy. But taken as a whole, “I’ve Never Been to Me” is beautiful song and contains a profound message. I’ll share the lyrics in full here.

[Verse 1]

Hey, lady, you, lady Cursing at your life You're a discontented mother And a regimented wife I've no doubt you dream about The things you'll never do But I wish someone had talked to me Like I wanna talk of you

[Verse 2]

Ooo, I've been to Georgia And California And anywhere I could run Took the hand of a preacher man And we made love in the sun But I ran out of places and friendly faces Because I had to be free

[Chorus]
I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me

[Verse 3]
Please lady, please, lady
Don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you
Why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
Still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part
Of a weary heart
That has lived a million lives

[Verse 4]
Oh, I've been to Nice
And the isle of Greece
When I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
And showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
And I've seen some things
That a woman ain't supposed to see

[Chorus]
I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me

[Spoken Verse 5]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie
A fantasy we created about people and places
As we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding
And it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love

[Verse 6]
Sometimes I've been to crying
For unborn children
That might have made me complete
But I, I took the sweet life I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring
The subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free

[Chorus]
Hey lady, I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me
I've been to paradise
Never been to me

[Outro]
I've been to Georgia and California
And anywhere I could run
I've been to paradise
Never been to me
Been to Nice and the isle of Greece
When I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've been to paradise
Never been to me

From the lyrics, you can perhaps see why my kids, my wife, and my sisters all laugh at the fact that I love this song. (Although at least some of them love it too.)

But take a moment to examine its lyrics before joining them. There is a very important message there.

Essentially, the woman is reflecting on her decision to pursue a care free, pleasure-filled life. By doing so, she realizes, she’s created a life that lacks true meaning.

The conversation, it should be noted, takes place with another woman, one who has made different choices. She is married and has a child, but she’s tired. The woman singing the song is telling her to not spurn that which she has, and she’s using her own life as a cautionary tale. The message is clear: chasing pleasure and material things ultimately doesn’t fulfill us. (At the very least, it did not fulfill her.)

Now, I’m not saying this to urge people to go and get married and have a bunch of children. I think those can be wonderful and fulfilling things, but that’s not the core message of the song, in my opinion.

The song is ultimately about weight.

In his 1984 work The Unbearable Lightness of Being—a novel involving a man’s struggle to fully commit himself to his wife and family—the Czech writer Milan Kundera explored this idea. (It’s a remarkable book, and I urge you to read it if you have not already done so.)

Early in the book, Kundera pointed out that much of the world is divided into opposites— light/darkness, fineness/coarseness, warmth/cold, etc. Half were positive, half were negative. He quotes Parmenides as concluding that lightness is positive, weight negative. 

Kundera saw that humans are more naturally attracted to “lightness”—pleasure, insouciance, etc.—than “weight,” or responsibility. 

“When we want to give expression to a dramatic situation in our lives, we tend to use metaphors of heaviness,” Kundera wrote. “We say that something has become a great burden to us. We either bear the burden or fail and go down with it, we struggle with it, win or lose.”

Despite the attractiveness of “lightness,” Kundera disagreed with Parmenides. He concluded—much like the celebrated author Jordan Peterson—that weight (i.e. responsibility) is what ultimately gives us meaning—hence the book’s title.

This is the message of “I’ve Never Been to Me,” I believe.

The woman says “I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet, I've spent my life exploring, The subtle whoring, That costs too much to be free.” The lightness she pursued turned out not to be the freedom believed it to be, but a kind of prison, one which prevented her from discovering her true self (hence the refrain: “I've been to paradise, But I've never been to me”).

Am I overanalyzing the song? Some may say so, but I don’t think I am. Read the comments in YouTube and you’ll find dozens and dozens of people who are similarly moved by the song’s message.

There is a twist, however, and I’m a little sad to share it. It turns out the song wasn’t written by Charlene, and it wasn’t even written by a woman. Two men—Ron Miller and Kenneth Hirsch—wrote the song.

Some would argue—especially postmodernists—that this saps from the song its moral power and makes it patriarchal (or something), since it’s merely men projecting their own feelings and perspectives onto a woman.

I choose not to interpret the song that way, and I’ll close with a commentor’s reflections on how “I’ve Never Been to Me” changed her own life.

“This song saved my life,” she writes. “I was in an abusive relationship. Beaten every day. I played this song all the time and listened to the words. It gave me the strength to walk away from the relationship and seek out the life that this lady had lived. It is a song that is very dear to my heart.”

Is the song corny? Some will say so. But it’s not to me, and it’s not to this woman.