Ayn Rand Thought American Men Didn’t Show Their Feelings Enough. Here’s Why She Was Wrong

“It’s a sort of weakness, not strength,” Rand says. “The strong man doesn’t mind showing his feelings—unhappy ones, or pain, or enthusiasm or pride.”

I recently came across an old clip of Phil Donahue interviewing Ayn Rand. It’s a good interview. Donahue seems more curious and gracious than I remember him, and less arrogant—probably because the interview takes place early in his career.

For younger people who may not know Donahue, he was a popular daytime talk show host who helped pave the way for future personalities like Oprah Winfrey.

"If it weren't for Phil Donahue, there would never have been an Oprah Show," Oprah herself once said. 

Unlike Oprah, Donahue was more inclined to lean into controversy and ideas, which is no doubt why he brought on guests like Rand and Milton Friedman. 

In the interview, we quickly learn Rand is not impressed with altruists, which is no surprise. 

“I disapprove of them,” she says. “I regard them as evil.”

More surprising is the Atlas Shrugged author’s distaste for American men not showing their feelings. 

“Most men here are repressive. They hide their feelings,” Rand says, earning a round applause from the audience.

Donahue agrees with Rand, calling it “a kind of tyranny” that men are taught to not show emotion, citing as an example baseball players who run to first base after being hit by a pitch without rubbing their arm, even though it hurts.

Rand agrees.

“It’s a sort of weakness, not strength,” Rand says. “The strong man doesn’t mind showing his feelings—unhappy ones, or pain, or enthusiasm or pride.” 

Was Rand right? I’m not going to say Rand was wrong—but I’m also not going to agree with her either. 

The truth is, sharing feelings can be a sign of strength, but it can also be a weakness. Many Americans today, I think, would do well to show less emotion. Others could benefit from showing more.

I remember a lesson I learned as a child on George Washington. (I can’t remember if it was from my grandmother or a teacher.) His colleagues noted there was a power “in his silence.” He was a man who had mastered his emotions. His emotions did not control him; he controlled them.

The baseball player who doesn’t rub his arm on the way to first base has developed a kind of mastery of emotions. So has the boxer or the wrestler who refuses to show he’s tired even when he’s exhausted in the 12th round or the third period. So has the CEO who doesn’t blow up at a staff meeting when he’s angry. All of these are a sign of strength, not weakness. 

This does not mean, of course, we should never show our emotions. We’re humans, and there are times we must, when it’s healthy to do so. But we need to be discerning. Knowing when to share our emotions, and with whom, is part of the mastery of them. 

This is one more example of Rand, I think, seeing the world as black and white, something she was prone to doing. My Objectivist readers might disagree with this assessment, but I’ll leave them with a question. 

If Rand were alive today, would she be preaching this same lesson about men needing to share their feelings more? Or would she be saying American men need to buck up and be a little less sensitive, a little less emotional? 

I suspect she’d be saying the latter.