Author on the 'Single Biggest Determiner' of Being a Good Mother

When Teal Swan calls being a single mother “an impossible task,” she’s taking on a powerful dogma—and she knows it.

My youngest child had a birthday today. Let me just go on the record by saying when your youngest turns 7 years old, it’s a bit weird. You realize you don’t have a baby anymore.

I know six-year-olds are not exactly “babies,” but at least there is usually still something baby-like about them.

This is true of my little Becket. He still acts like a baby sometimes; he likes to suck his thumb at night and occasionally do baby talk. But these are things we’re now discouraging. He’s growing up. And that makes you realize you’re getting older, too.

Getting old doesn’t bother me (at least not yet), in large part because I’ve embraced my roles as husband and father. These are my most important jobs in the world right now, and the two things I refuse to fail at.

I don’t often think about what it takes to be a “good dad,” though I work at it and try to be one. But I found myself thinking about it a little bit after I saw a video of author Teal Swan talking about what it takes to be a good mother.

“The single biggest determiner of whether a mother is a good mother. What do you think it is?” Swan asked. “This is going to blow your mind when I give you the answer.”

So what it is it?

“Whether they have a supportive partner,” Swan tells the audience. “The major argument for good dads is actually, can the dad be there for the mom…What you see is that if you got a supportive father, the mother’s energy goes toward the children.”

This thesis is of course controversial. When Swan calls being a single mother “an impossible task,” she’s taking on a powerful dogma—and she knows it.

And while I can’t speak to Swan’s specific claim because I haven’t looked into the research she’s referencing, I will say this: I think the biggest reason I’m a good dad is that I have a supporting partner.

This isn’t rocket science, folks. Being a parent is hard. It demands an awful lot of you. I can’t imagine doing it by myself. Nor can I imagine doing it with someone who didn’t prioritize her family as much as I do.

My little Becket is our most challenging child. He’s smart and sassy and stubborn—in all the ways that are both good and bad.

But I believe my little 7-year-old is going to be just fine, largely because we’ve worked so hard to create an environment that nourishes his body, mind, and soul. To think we could have created such an environment without the support of both his mother and myself is pretty silly.